Marty Lipton Cup of Soup

Although completely plausible given his superhuman tendencies and the fact that he invented the poison pill (he invented the friggin thing!!!!), there is no truth whatesoever to the popular belief that Marty Lipton, in fact, invented/and or owns the Lipton Cup-a-Soup. That the namesake of this popular and affordable freeze-dried snack also happens to be Lipton, is but a mere coincidence. And when you think about it, their names are but the only thing that Marty Lipton and Lipton Cup-a-Soup have in common. For example:

1. Marty Lipton is a high powered M&A attorney who is at the top of his profession and is widely heralded as the greatest corporate lawyer of his generation (much to the chagrin of Joe Flom). Lipton Cup-a-Soup is a cheap foodstuff primarily marketed to stoners and financially strapped college students (that Cup-a-Soup is not marketed to corporate executive/general counsel set would explain why Marty's cuddly mug hasn't been plasted all over the damn thing yet).

2. Marty Lipton invented the poison pill. Cup-a-soup didn't invent anything, and in fact, is an inanimate object (soup).

3. "Cup-a-soup" is also slang for a practical joke where the prankster takes their hand, places it near their rear end, and then proceed to fart. The prankster then quickly cups/shovels the air mass towards someone's face, usually a unsuspecting victim. (depending on the intensity of the smell, it may qualify as a "cup-a-chili"). Not only is Marty Lipton not a "practical joke", but in fact, he has never farted (or urinated or defecated for that matter), because his body uses and burns 100% of the sustenance that is placed in it, and thus does not produce any waste product at all. In other words, Marty Lipton is the perfect engine (more on this later!).

4. Contrary to popular belief, Cup-a-Soup does, in fact, have a shelf life (of 8 years). Marty Lipton has no shelf life (nor even a "half-life"). Indeed, he is immortal, and is impervious to conventional weaponry (unlike, say, Paul Roth, who's weakness is said to be cotton candy).

So as you can see, all that Marty Lipton and Lipton Cup-a-Soup have in common is the name "Lipton." We do have it (on information and belief), that Marty Lipton did come up with a recipe for a mean southern maize (you call it corn) chowder (and we are currently trying to get our hands on the recipe) back in the early 90's when the M&A market was slowed by recession and Lipton found himself with some time to kill, but we question the veracity of this rumour given Lipton's purported hatred of all cereal grains.