Thursday, August 9, 2007

Corporate America Swallows

As you can probably imagine, swallowing a poison pill is easier said than done. “Sometimes they just don’t go down so easy,” lamented the C.E.O of an unnamed Fortune 100 company. Though Marty Lipton’s poison pill was a surefire way to fend off pesky corporate looters, many target corporations would clam up when it was time to swallow. In several instances, the target would claim they took the pill when in reality, it was flushed down the toilet. Despite attempts to refer to the pill as “candy” or play the always popular “open your mouth and close your eyes” game, these finicky corporations were not fooled.

Realizing that no one, including large corporations, likes the taste of a poison pill, Marty introduced more user friendly versions of the pill. This included chewable tablets in the shape of dinosaurs, popular cartoon characters, and the WLRK executive committee (See above). While the original flavors were limited to cherry and wintergreen, Marty Lipton soon developed a host of “far out” flavors including sour apple, vanilla cola swirl, and the ever popular “radical berry blast.” “It was a dream come true,” recalls one previously frustrated board member. He admits that “Administering the poison pill became almost, well, fun.”

Marty even developed a poison pill suppository for some of his more “fussy” corporate clients. In suppository form, the poison pill could be administered without the target company even knowing. Now that's one stealth poison pill!

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