Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Litigating Their Way Out of a Paper Bag

The Law Firm of Marty Lipton (otherwise known as "WLRK"), is known throughout the world as a corporate powerhouse. What many people don't know , however, is that WLRK also has a stellar litigation department. Although some say that the WLRK litigators are the "red headed stepchildren" of their corporate bretheren, by way of the transitive property and simple deduction, we will prove that they are ANYTHING but:

The WLRK litigation department is led, at least in spirit, by named partner Herb Wachtell. In the firm's moniker, the name Wachtell appears before--yes, BEFORE--the name Lipton. Marty Lipton, if you didn't know, invented the poison pill (yes, that's right, he invented it, for Christ's sake!!!!!). In other words, Wachtell's name appears before the name of the man (the myth, the legend) who invented the poison pill!!!

If Wachtell and his legions of litigators were, in fact, but mere shadows of their corporate bretheren over at WLRK, Marty Lipton, who is known and revered not only for having defeated countless hostile takeover attempts using THE most innovative and creative strategies ever employed in the M&A world (including but not limited to successfully defending against an LBO by defeating a corporate raider in a jalapeno pepper eating contest) but also for potentially being superhuman (not to mention being rumoured to be a superb lobster fisherman), would not let the name of their leader appear before his in the title of the firm. Now, we don't understand AT ALL why Lipton hasn't just changed the name of the firm to something more simple, like "Marty Lipton . . . Boo" -- something that reflects the fact that the legend that is Marty Lipton is on the premises--but seeing that he hasn't, we can only surmise that he's let Wachtell keep his name at the front of the title because Wachtell and his minions are superior litigators who could in fact litigate their way out of a paper bag with the best of em.

Well, either that or the fact that Wachtell, a no non-sense litigator himself, could potentially seek to have Lipton cobbled if he were to change the name of the firm, and cobbling is a fate worse than death to a reputed ballroom dancing lover such as Lipton.

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