Sunday, September 2, 2007

Lipton on Tape

Have you ever heard Marty Lipton's voice? Neither have we, but we hear that it is, in a word, breathtaking.

Rumor has it that long before Marty Lipton was a regional ballroom dancing champion, he was a deft and accomplished concert lyricist (a tenor). A source close to WLRK (and by close, we mean proximity wise, for our source is Sal, the kosher frankfurter vendor out on 52nd St.) tell us that in his younger years, Marty Lipton would often break up the monotony of a corporate merger negotiation by belting out the odd showtune. We understand that Herb Wachtell thought that this strategy would translate well to litigation, and tried once to coax answers out of a hostile witness by attempting a falsetto version of the Iron Butterfly classic "In a Gadda Da Vida," but that he quickly found that his voice was too hoarse because he had spent a number of hours that week defending a janitor against DUI charges in Mamaroneck, Long Island (in connection with his famed and lucrative "DUI defense" practice).

These days, Marty Lipton is too busy defending against hostile LBO's with Mexican foodstuffs and also learning new salsa dance steps to once again become a serious singer, but we do have it upon information and belief that he is close to signing a lucrative and exclusive deal to provide his soothing vocal stylings on the next 5 Jackie Collins books on tape. Rumor has it that Marty has always had a secret passion for supermarket romance novels (and in fact, may have even penned a few of his own) and that when the offer came across his desk, he jumped at it, quite literally, and almost sprained his ankle in the process (we say "almost" because while any normal person would have sustained a somewhat serious injury, because Lipton is impervious to pain and harm, he was, in fact, fine). Did we mention that Marty Lipton invented the poison pill?? (he invented it for Pete's sake!!!).

We wish Marty well in his new endeavor, and look forward to enjoying his sweet sounds when those cassette tapes reach the market in the coming years. We are willing to wait that long, but if are pining and simply need to hear a famed New York lawyer voice a book on tape, we recommend that you check out Paul Roth's 1994 reading of "Do the Twist: The Chubby Checker Story." While Roth's voice no doubt pales in comparison to Lipton's, Roth is known the world over not only because he is an excellent hedge fund counselor, but also because he can do a mean "mashed potato."

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