Marty Lipton Will Hopefully Challenge Primate to Competition Involving Secret Ingredient (Chorizo)

Though we have never seen Marty Lipton speak (we really have no idea what he even looks like), we have no doubt that Lipton is extremely articulate and can really think on his feet. In fact, we believe that Lipton, the inventor of the poison pill, is so cunning, that he can take any position, no matter how outrageous, and dress it up to be a winner. Quite simply, he is that damned smart.

That is why we would love to witness the slaughter that would ensue if Lipton was to challenge a Neanderthal like Sean Hannity to anything. We don’t really care what it is. As long as Lipton is pitted against Sean Hannity, we will watch it. You see, while Lipton is extremely gifted, Sean Hannity is a complete moron. Hannity would have difficulty beating a chimp at connect four (best out of seven).

Because a contest against Lipton (whatever it may be) would be so lopsided, we surmise that Hannity would likely become so frustrated that he would start flinging his fecal matter at innocent bystanders like an ape at the zoo.

So Sean, we challenge you to anything against Marty Lipton. Anything! Yes or no Sean? Here are several suggestions:

1. A diorama building contest;

2. One on one ultimate Frisbee;

3. A debate over the pros and cons of forced child labor;

4. A pie eating contest;

5. Powerball (from American Gladiators); or

6. An Iron Chef style cookoff (secret ingredient: chorizo).